I’ve always been a shy girl. I’m not sure why exactly I am, but I think it has to do with being an only child. I never grew up with another kid in my home and never got used to talking to other kids. My uncles and aunts all had children much later than my parents did, so for a long time I didn’t even have any cousins and still don’t have anyone in my extended family within seven years of my age in either direction. I was always fine talking to and dealing with adults, but I was always quiet when other kids my own age were around. Because of this, I never really had any luck with boys. I had a few crushes, but was never outgoing enough to let the boys know I had crushes on them, and since I barely talked to them, I ended up never really having a boyfriend. I guess I just get really nervous around guys. Even in my second year of college, I found myself feeling embarrassed and shutting down mentally if I tried to talk to a guy I like, and thus had yet to have a boyfriend.
There was one exception, but that goes way back. When I was a kid, my best friend was a boy named Pete who lived down the street. Pete was also an only child. Our parents were good friends, and we were the same age, so we grew up from birth always around each other, especially since I had no one to talk to outside of school besides my parents. Everything really started when we were both nine.
But I guess I should introduce myself before I begin. My name is Casey, and yes, I am female (and yes, I hate having an androgynous name). I have always been an average-sized girl throughout my life, not skinny, but not chubby either. I was a late bloomer though, so there was a period in late-middle, early-high school when I was smaller than most of my classmates just because I hadn’t hit puberty yet. I try to make myself look good, but I definitely don’t think I’m anywhere near the prettiest girl ever. I have always had medium length dirty blonde hair. I honestly haven’t dramatically changed my hair style since I started middle school. I have green eyes that are hidden by a pair of glasses – not that I think I look bad in glasses, but I had a few bad pairs of glasses early in my life. I think that should be enough information for now.
This story begins when Pete and I were both 9 years old, and, as with many childhood stories of this type, occurred while we were playing house. Pete and I never made a big deal out of anything. In today’s day and age, I don’t think you see many boys playing house, but Pete and I did all the time, just as I would often play cops and robbers with toy guns with him.
So Pete and I were in my bedroom playing house. Of course, he was the daddy and I was the mommy. I had just put the kids (dolls) to sleep and Pete was finishing off mowing the lawn (walking around the room making noises while pushing an invisible lawn mower in front of him). I think Pete had decided to mow the lawn because that’s what my dad was doing at the time, my mom was out somewhere, I don’t remember where.
Pete came in from mowing the lawn (opens an invisible door to come in), walked up to me, and asked, “So what’s next?”
Merely thinking aloud, I responded, “Well, I guess we should go to bed too, but mommies and daddies go to bed naked.” I hadn’t really thought about what I was saying, and to this day I don’t know where that came from. I must have seen a TV show or a movie where that had happened because I certainly didn’t know if my parents did that.
Before I had any more time to think about it though, Pete simply said, “Okay.” He then started taking off his clothes.
I don’t know why neither Pete nor I was shy about this, I guess we just weren’t mature enough to think it was a big deal. So when I saw Pete taking off his clothes, I started doing the same. Soon enough we were both naked.
Now, at nine years old, neither of us was much to look at it. I had tiny nipples with no mounds coming in yet at all, so I was no different than Pete on top. Downstairs, I just had a tiny line between my legs with not so much as a single hair yet. Pete didn’t have any hair yet either and had two tiny little balls and about an inch and a half long stub poking up. His foreskin covered the knob of his penis as he was uncircumcised, but I didn’t know what that meant back then, I just assumed that was normal.
At first, we just looked at each other without talking. I was the first to speak up, announcing, “It must be hard to pee with your thingy sticking up like that.”
Pete looked down and pushed his penis down a bit, saying, “It’s not usually like this, it’s usually smaller, and points down like this.” He then let go of it and his penis flipped back up, making a small smacking sound against his stomach, which caused me to laugh. Pete smiled and did the same thing a couple more times to make me laugh more.
I finally asked, “So why’s it like that now?”
Pete just shrugged and said, “I don’t know, it just does that sometimes.” Apparently I accepted that as a response, as I didn’t ask him any more questions.
After a brief silence, Pete, in an apparent delayed reaction to my comment that started the whole conversation, stated, “It must be hard to have to sit down to pee all the time.”
I simply replied, “Not really.”
Pete then added, “Well, all I have to do is unbutton my pants and pull down my underwear, you have to pull your pants and underwear all the way down.”
I didn’t know what kind of response he was looking for, so I just shrugged.
We continued to stare at each other a little longer, and then I finally said, “I guess we should get in bed.”
Pete nodded, and we both climbed into my bed, slipping under the covers.
After a minute or so in bed, Pete announced, “We should rub our bodies together, since that’s what mommies and daddies do.” Now I had never heard of this before, as I had no idea what sex was at this point (and I’m not sure if he did exactly either, judging by what followed), but I didn’t want to seem like Pete knew something that I didn’t, so I agreed to it. Pete rolled to face me, and told me to face him. Then he moved his body right up next to mine, and I felt his penis poke me in the stomach, causing me to giggle. Pete smiled, and started moving his body back and forth, repeatedly pushing his penis into my stomach. Not long after he started, I copied him, and began moving my body back and forth, which made his penis poke me even harder in the stomach. We started laughing for awhile. Eventually, we stopped laughing, but we kept pushing our bodies against each other.
A few minutes later, I announced, “This is kinda boring.”
Pete simply replied, “Yeah,” then he stopped moving his body. I stopped right after he did.
Then we both got out of bed, got dressed, and continued on like nothing had happened. We made the bed (cause that’s what mommies and daddies do), woke up the kids (dolls), and played house for a little while longer before moving on to other games.
The story stops there.
But continues three years later.
When we were both 12, Pete’s dad got a job in another state and had to move away. The day before he was going to move, the two of us were walking in the woods behind my house. We had talked a lot about being best friends for so long, and we both cried for awhile because we thought we were never going to see each other again. Eventually we stopped and sat down in front of one of the many trees surrounding us. We were so far in the woods, we couldn’t see my house anymore, or any house for that matter. For awhile, we just sat there, not talking, just trying to stop crying and regain composure.
After awhile, well after Pete had stopped crying, he suddenly said, “Remember that time we played house?”
I jerked my head to the side to look at him, but Pete was just staring into the woods, his arms wrapped around his knees. Theoretically, he could have been talking about any of the times we played house, but I knew what he meant immediately, even though we had never spoken of it or did anything like it ever since. I was shocked at first, but he didn’t look shocked. If anything, he looked sad. He looked like he was just thinking about good times we had together and wouldn’t be able to have anymore, or at least that’s how my brain interpreted it. I figured that he was probably just talking, so I tried to play cool, wrapped my arms around my knees like him, stared off into the woods, and just muttered, “Yeah.”
There was a brief pause after I said that. Then, still in the same position, Pete asked, “Do you think it’d be okay if we tried that again?”
Now I was really shocked. I turned my head towards Pete, seeing him still staring out into the woods looking sad. This was a completely different situation then when we were younger. While I may not have known the specifics of sex, I knew at least the basics of what it was now, and I knew and understood the differences between boys and girls better, and that we weren’t supposed to show our bodies to each other unless we were much older. Basically, I knew it was wrong. What we had done as kids, we had done because we didn’t know any better. But now that we knew, we weren’t supposed to do that. And so it was that I responded, “I don’t know if that’s a good idea.”
Then there was silence again. Pete didn’t move, and his expression didn’t change. He didn’t even look over at me, just kept looking sad, staring off into the woods.
Finally, he said, “You know I like you, and I’d never tell anyone, and I’ll be gone tomorrow so you won’t ever see me again, and we’ll never have the chance again.”
And then I felt horrible. Here was my best friend – my only friend really – sitting completely depressed in the woods, and the one thing he asked me to do, the one thing that might make him happy, I had basically said no to. I knew we shouldn’t do it, but I kinda thought that maybe we could compromise, just show a little bit to make him happy. It was this train of reasoning that led me to say, “Well, maybe just our shirts.”
Apparently that was enough to make Pete happy. He quickly turned his whole body to face me while sitting cross-legged and smiled at me. Moments later, he grabbed the bottom of his shirt and pulled it over his head. Then he just sat there, staring at my shirt-covered chest.
I actually hadn’t seen Pete with his shirt off since we were 9 as we never went swimming together. It was definitely different now. He had some muscles – not much, but some. His chest muscles pushed out a little bit, and I could just barely see some of his abs. He was nothing like the guys with no shirts in magazines, but he definitely looked a little older.
Seeing Pete’s change in emotion had made me much happier. I was smiling back at him, though he probably didn’t see it because he was staring at my shirt. I decided that this would be okay, and I reached down and pulled my shirt over my head.
Immediately, I saw Pete’s mouth open a bit and his eyes widen, and I felt my face go a deep red as I blushed from the attention and turned my head to the side. Now, I was a late bloomer. So whereas Pete was now much taller and looked very different from when I’d last seen him, I didn’t have much to show. I had slight mounds where my boobs would later come in, but not nearly enough for even a training bra yet. Besides that, the only difference between me then and me three years earlier was that my nipples were slightly bigger, slightly darker, and a bit more puffed out. I just sat there with my arms at my side, wearing just a pair of shorts, my underwear, my sandals, and of course my glasses. My face was looking slightly to the side, embarrassed to look directly at Pete, but constantly looking at him through the corners of my eyes.
It was through the corner of my eye that I saw Pete lift a hand up, and then bring it back down, as his eyes finally shifted from my chest to my face. He promptly asked, “Can I touch them?”
I knew as soon as I saw his hand move that he was going to ask that. I wanted to keep him happy, and didn’t think it would cause any harm, so I just nodded my head.
Immediately, Pete’s hands flew towards my nipples, pinching one with each hand lightly. I gasped in shock, and a little bit of pain, though it didn’t really feel bad. As soon as I gasped though, Pete pulled his hands away, looked down, and said, “Sorry.”
Seeing Pete sad again, I immediately responded, “It’s okay.” Pete moved his head up to look at me. He had a sort of questioning look on his face. I just said, “Just don’t squeeze, okay.” Pete nodded in response, and his hands went to my chest again. This time, he placed his hands outstretched on my chest, with a palm pressed against each nipple. Slowly, he started moving his hands around on my chest, his fingers occasionally flicking against my nipples. He pulled his palms off, tracing the shape of my future breasts with his fingers, occasionally cupping them as if there was something to hold. Meanwhile, his actions felt strangely good to me. I had never felt anything like what I was beginning to feel. I didn’t know what the feeling was, I just knew it felt good, though I did feel my body getting a little bit warmer than usual too.
This continued for what seemed like hours, though it was probably closer to five minutes. Eventually, I felt Pete’s hands stop moving on my chest. I turned my head from the side to look at him, and saw him staring at my face. I wanted to say something, but didn’t know what to say. Luckily, I didn’t have to think about it for too long, as Pete just asked, “Can I kiss you?”
I was quite a na? girl back then, and when he asked that, I felt like he had just announced that he loved me, because in my shallow understanding of the world, you only kissed people if you loved them. I was definitely stunned at first, as I had never thought about Pete like that, we had always just been friends. But when it sunk in, I thought that it was just about the greatest thing in the history of time as it meant we could be boyfriend-girlfriend, even if he was leaving! So I got a big smile on my face and nodded that he could.
Now, I should probably explain that clearly both of us had no idea what real kissing was like. I can’t speak for Pete, but my only experience with kissing was receiving quick pecks on the cheeks, and occasionally on the lips, from my parents or watching them kiss each other goodbye before leaving for work in the morning. Even then they only did what looked like a slightly longer peck. But I knew there was a thing called French kissing where you put your tongue in the other’s mouth. I didn’t know what kind of kiss Pete had planned, so I just sat where I was and let Pete come over to lead it. And lead it he did!
As soon as I nodded, Pete leaned over and attached his mouth, wide open, over my lips. I felt his tongue running along my lips, and thought what he was doing was a French kiss. I then opened my mouth to rub my tongue against his. Instead, as soon as I opened my mouth, he shoved his tongue as far as he could into my mouth. Again, I didn’t know what a French kiss really was, so I thought what he was doing was right, even though it was not at all what I expected. So I just opened my mouth wide and stuck my tongue deep into his mouth like he was doing to me.
This went on for a few minutes. Every now and then Pete would pull back a bit to get a breath, and then latch back onto my mouth again. Soon after it started, his hands had returned to my chest and he was feeling my chest while we rubbed our tongues over the insides of the other’s mouth.
My tongue started to get tired from jabbing into his mouth repeatedly. Not long after I got tired though, Pete pulled back and went to the side a little. He kissed the corner of my mouth, though really it was more like a lick. He just pressed his open mouth against my skin and ran his tongue over the skin his mouth covered. He then did this to my chin, and then made a trail of them down my neck, over my upper chest, until he finally had his mouth over my right nipple.
I hadn’t been expecting this at all, but I was too nervous to stop him. As Pete locked onto my nipple, he ran his tongue over it at first, but soon he started sucking on it. The feeling was incredible! I remember bringing my arms up around Pete’s head and holding it tight against my chest. As soon as I did this, Pete started sucking even harder, causing me to gasp out loud. Eventually, Pete started to pull back, though I tried to hold his head still as I didn’t want him to stop. My fears were unfounded though, as he just moved over to suck on my other nipple. I felt a shock in my body not only from Pete sucking on my previously ignored left nipple, but from my hard wet right nipple being exposed to the slightly chilly air. The combined feeling literally caused my body to shake! Adding to this, as Pete began sucking on my left nipple, I felt his hands reach behind and hold onto my back, then slowly slide down under my shorts (but not my underwear) so that his hands were holding on to the tops of my butt cheeks (he couldn’t really hold my whole butt cheeks as I was sitting down).
This went on for a few minutes. During this time, I could feel my face flushing and my breathing get deeper. At some point, I had closed my eyes and lifted my head towards the sky. Some kind of feeling was building up inside of me. I didn’t know what it was, but I knew that I liked it and didn’t want it to stop! Unfortunately, it did.
I felt Pete’s hands slide out of my shorts and he pulled his head back, despite my hands trying to hold him in. After Pete pulled back, I dropped my hands to my sides and just stayed as I was for a bit, breathing hard with my eyes closed and head facing up to the sky.
When I finally decided to move, my first reaction, for whatever reason, was to look down at my chest. I could see a slight dark ring around each of my nipples, and my nipples looked bigger than they ever had before! They were sticking out like tiny cones on my flat chest with a mini-pencil eraser sticking out the end of each cone. I brought my own hands up and ran a finger over each nipple. My body shook as I touched them – they were super sensitive! I played with my nipples for a little bit, lost in my own self-discovery.
I was finally brought back when I noticed movement in front of me. I had totally forgotten about Pete! The movement I had seen was Pete standing up. As I looked towards him, I realized that his shoes and socks were off and as I looked up, I realized he was unbuttoning his jeans.
I freaked out, I didn’t want to go this far, so I quickly started, “Pete, we can’t-”
And that was as far as I got. At that point, Pete pushed his jeans and underwear down to his knees, and his hard penis popped out in front of him. My immediate reaction was, “Wow! It’s big!”
His penis was probably only about four inches, maybe a little more, and it was very skinny, but it was huge compared to what I remembered. I mean, the only other time I’d seen a penis in my life was Pete’s when he was 9, so this was pretty huge in comparison. His balls were also bigger and hung lower and had a bunch of small black curly hairs sticking out. There was also a bunch of small black curly hair surrounding his penis. But my eyes were immediately drawn towards the end of his penis. His foreskin was opened a tiny bit right at the end, showing this tiny patch of a light reddish-purple color. My curiosity had won out at this point, and I pointed to the little blotch of color at the end and asked, “What’s that?”
Pete had finished taking off his jeans and underwear as I had been staring at his penis and balls. I looked up after my question and saw Pete smiling down at me. In response, he simply gripped his penis, bringing my attention back down to it, and pulled back, exposing the swollen head. I gasped, though I’m not sure why. I guess I just wasn’t expecting to see that. I actually thought it looked really nice, and muttered out, “That’s beautiful.” Pete didn’t respond, he just let me keep staring.
After a few minutes, Pete pushed his penis down with his hand and then let it go. I watched and listened as it whipped up and slapped him in the stomach. He must’ve remembered how funny I had thought that was when I was nine. And I still thought it was funny! I started laughing as soon as it happened. As I watched it bob back and forth until it finally stopped in place again, Pete finally spoke for the first time since dropping his pants. “Do you want to try?”
I didn’t know what to say. I knew I shouldn’t be touching his penis, though it did look like fun. I just stared at it about eight inches in front of my face, as I was still sitting and Pete was standing in front of me, completely naked. I just muttered aloud, “I don’t know.”
Pete then touched my cheek with his hand and said, “It’s okay.” I looked up to see Pete smiling down at me. That did it for me. He was happy, and I wanted to keep him that way. I gave him a nervous smile back, then returned my gaze to his penis. His foreskin had started to close up around his cock head again, so now only half of the head was exposed. Slowly, I reached out my hand and extended it towards his penis. I paused when it was a couple inches away from touching. I was nervous about touching it still! I closed my eyes and took a deep breath. When I opened my eyes, I quickly put a finger on the exposed head of his cock, quickly pushed it down as far as I had seen him push it down, and let go. His cock jumped up and slapped his stomach, just like it had done when he did.
I smiled, and looked up at Pete. He was smiling back down at me. I suddenly felt much lighter about it. I reached out and grabbed his shaft between my thumb and pointer finger and pulled it down a little farther than I had before. This ended up pulling back his foreskin so that his head was exposed again. I held it there and stared for a bit. Finally, I let go and watched it smack his stomach. It made an even louder slapping sound than before and I couldn’t help but start giggling. I then reached out and grabbed it again, this time with my whole hand, my fingers easily reaching all the way around it. I pulled it down again as far as I had done the last time, and then slowly kept pushing more, despite the resistance. As I pulled down just a bit more, Pete suddenly gasped and leaned forward. Scared that I had hurt him, I let go of his cock and pulled back looking up at him. His cock jerked hard up into his stomach, making the loudest slapping sound yet, but I didn’t laugh at all this time as I thought I had hurt him. Looking up, he had a kind of grimace mixed with a smile.
“Sorry,” I quickly announced.
Pete caught his breath and stood up. “It’s okay, just don’t go down so far.”
I looked at his face smiling down at me, then towards his penis, then back to his face. I was suddenly worried about what we were doing, and whether it was okay. I started thinking that we really shouldn’t be doing this and wondered how it had come this far. I announced, “Maybe we should stop,” reaching over to grab my shirt as I spoke.
Before I could do anything more, Pete crouched down and grabbed my arm, stopping me from pulling my shirt over to put it on. He looked into my eyes, looking very worried, and said, “It’s okay, I’m fine, we can keep going.”
I looked back at him, then looked away and whispered, “It’s wrong, we shouldn’t be doing this.”
Pete reached out with a hand and turned my face towards him, “Why is it wrong? Aren’t you having fun?”
I stared at him, “I did have fun, but you know that we shouldn’t be doing this. We’re too young.”
Pete was quiet for a little bit, but he kept staring at me. Finally he looked away and said, “Okay, we can stop, after we’re even.” He turned back to look at me and smiled as he said that last part.
I was totally confused. “What do you mean?”
“Well,” he began, then looked away again, “You saw me naked.” He took a deep breath, like he was trying to work up the courage to say what comes next, but I already knew what it was going to be. Finally he turned back towards me, and staring at my shorts, said, “So I should get to see you naked.”
I didn’t know what to say. There were two reasons I didn’t really want to do that. First, I knew it was wrong and that he wasn’t supposed to see that part of me. Second, I was embarrassed because I wasn’t as developed as he was. I had seen his patch of black curly hair around his penis, and I knew I should be getting hair down there soon, but at the moment I just had what looked like peach fuzz down there, and barely much of that.
“I don’t know,” I responded.
Pete immediately shot back, “It’s only fair!”
I looked at him and managed to mumble out, “I don’t think I really want to.”
Pete was quick to respond, “Why?”
The conversation was going so quick I didn’t have time to think before I quickly responded, “I’m embarrassed, okay?” As I said this, I could feel my eyes starting to water.
Pete finally slowed down, though he seemed a bit confused. “I was embarrassed too, but you got to see me.”
“It’s not that,” I muttered, having a harder time holding back tears. I looked away so Pete wouldn’t see my tears.
“I don’t understand,” Pete said, sounding totally confused, “Why else would you be embarrassed. I mean, we’re friends, right? And you like me? And you’ve already seen me naked, why would you be embarrassed?”
The whole time he was talking, the tears were building up in me. The floodgates broke when I finally responded. I turned my head back towards Pete, tears streaming down my face now, and nearly yelled at him, “Cause I’m not developed yet!”
Pete just stared at me like he didn’t understand. I got mad and went into a blow by blow of how I felt. “Look, you’ve gotten a lot bigger,” I pointed to his penis while I said this, “And you’ve got hair there! And you’re a lot taller! You’re totally different than when we did this when we were nine! But I’ve barely changed! I’ve got no boobs!” I grabbed my chest as I said that, then pointed to my vagina and said, “And I’ve got no hair down there! You’ve just changed so much and I-,” my voice choked here, but I finally finished, “And I haven’t.” I dropped my head and looked at the floor of the woods we were in. After a slight pause, I added, “You’ll just laugh if you see me.”
Pete didn’t respond for a bit. I was scared to look up at him so I kept staring down, tears dripping off my face onto the ground. I finally heard the leaves rustle, and figured Pete was getting up to leave. I was completely surprised when I felt his arms reach around me and hold my bare back as he hugged me from his knees as I sat on the ground. He put his head next to mine and whispered in my ear, “I would never laugh at you, Casey. I think you’re beautiful just as you are and just want to see what you really look like.”
I pulled back and looked at Pete’s face. Stumbling over my words, I managed to ask, “You think, I’m beautiful?”
Pete smiled. Then he leaned forward and kissed my forehead, and not one of those licking kisses he did before, but just a peck on my forehead. He then said, “Of course I do, that’s why I want to see you!”
I let out a little laugh of relief, though tears were still going down my face. I smiled back at Pete and we just looked into each other’s eyes for awhile. Finally, I quietly mumbled, “Okay.”
Pete looked like he had just won the lottery – apparently he really did want to see me! That made me feel a bit more comfortable. Pete sat back and just stared at me, waiting for me to pull my shorts off. I wasn’t quite ready yet, smiled at him, and said, “Wait for me to stop crying first.” I wiped away a couple tears as I said that.
Pete smiled and said, “I can help with that.”
I looked at him confused. How could he help me stop crying? So I asked, “How?”
Instead of responding, Pete just leaned forward and licked up the tear line from my left eye. I couldn’t help but laugh as he did this – it kind of tickled, and it was just so unexpected.
Pete pulled back, licked his lips and announced, “Mmmmmm, salty!” Then he leaned forward and repeated the process on my other eye, making me laugh even harder. As Pete pulled back again, I brought my hands up and wiped his saliva off my face, closing my eyes as I did so, still laughing.
I opened up my eyes to see Pete staring at me again, obviously waiting for me to pull off my shorts. “Give me a second,” I stated, then closed my eyes and started taking deep breaths, trying to calm myself down, stopping both the laughing and the crying.
About a minute later, I finally opened my eyes and announced, “Okay!” Pete repositioned himself on his knees, staring at my vagina through my shorts while I pulled up one leg, unhooked the sandal, and kicked it off. Then I did the same with the other sandal.
Finally, I stood up. I unbuttoned and unzipped my shorts, though I tried to hold them closed. I was wearing white underwear with little strawberries on them, and was embarrassed of him seeing them. I hooked my thumbs in the side of my underwear while holding my shorts together with my other fingers. At this point, I announced, “Remember, I haven’t changed, so there’s not much to see.”
Pete was again staring at my vagina through my shorts and simply responded, “I want to see.”
I smiled, and quickly pulled both my underwear and shorts down to my ankles and stepped out of them. When I stood up again, Pete’s eyes went wide as he stared at the tiny line between my legs. I was proud of the fact that he was clearly enjoying what he saw! All my worries flew out of my mind.
After a couple of minutes of simply staring, Pete lifted his head up to look at me and asked, “Can I see what’s inside?”
I smiled back at him and answered, “Of course.” I didn’t anticipate his next move though, as he quickly looked back at my slit and brought both hands up towards it. I immediately slapped both hands away, and Pete looked up at me confused. “No touchie,” I said, waving a finger at him like that was a no-no. “I’ll do it.”
Pete then looked back at my slit, again, as I bent my knees forward, curved my back backwards, and brought both hands down to my slit to pull the lip apart, exposing as much of the pink insides as I could.
Pete exclaimed, “Wow,” as his mouth hung open and he stared at the pinkness. For the next few minutes, I just stood in that position, silent, as Pete stared, occasionally twisting his head or moving his head around as if he was trying to see more. Meanwhile, I just held my lips as far apart as they’d go to give him the best view.
Eventually, Pete asked, “Is that where you pee from?” While asking, he pointed at the little bump above my hole (I did not know at the time it was called a clit).
I answered, “No, I’m not sure what that is.” Then I moved my right hand so that I was still holding the lips open, but could reach down with my pointer finger to pull up a bit on the inside of my vagina exposing my peehole and said, “That is where my pee comes from.”
Pete just responded, “Oh.” He kept staring for awhile. Every now and then he would bring his hands up like he was going to touch me, but always put them back down. After the fifth or sixth time he did that, he looked up at me and asked, “Can I please touch it?”
He looked like a little kid asking to play with a toy! Even so, I didn’t really want him touching me. I had to keep some lines. I responded, “I don’t think that’d be a good idea.” Pete continued to look at me for a bit, and then nodded his acceptance and went back to staring at me.
After a little while longer of staring at my vagina, Pete looked up and asked, “Can I see your butt?”
I laughed, let go of my vagina, and stood straight up again, for the first time in quite awhile. I asked, “Haven’t you seen your own butt?”
He quickly responded, “Yeah, but I want to see your butt.”
Still smiling and laughing a bit, I said, “But all butts are the same.”
Pete jumped on that, stating, “Then you shouldn’t mine showing me yours!”
I looked at him confused for a second. I didn’t see what the big deal about seeing a butt was. I mean, everyone has a butt! And since I didn’t think it was a big deal, I just shrugged and turned around away from him so my butt was at his face level.
I had barely been standing there for a few seconds when Pete asked, “Can you bend over so I can see it better?”
I thought this was a weird request. At the time, I didn’t understand how bending over was going to help him see my butt better, I guess in retrospect he just wanted to see my butthole. But I did bend over anyhow, leaning my body forward and staring at the ground. Looking back, I’m sure this gave him a great view of my vagina too, but I didn’t realize that at the time. Shortly after I had bent forward, Pete whispered, “Cool!” I couldn’t help but smile, knowing that Pete thought my body was cool.
I had been bent over for a couple minutes when I started wondering how long he was going to want to look at me. Then, all of the sudden, I felt something push into my butthole. It hurt a little bit and my body immediately jerked into a straight standing position with my butt cheeks clenched together. They were clenching what I could now feel to be a finger still in my butt. I turned around and shouted, “Get that out of there!”
Pete left it in there a second longer as his eyes moved from staring at his finger in my butt to looking up at my face, which must’ve looked angry. As soon as he saw my face, he rapidly jerked the end of his finger out of my butthole. I exclaimed, “Oooh,” as I felt his finger come out. It was weird, it had hurt going in, but the feeling of it coming out was actually good. I guess it was just the sense of relief of it being pulled out, but it actually felt really good. My anger faded a bit as this good feeling shot through my body like electricity.
It didn’t take long for the feeling to pass, and I turned around to face Pete who was still on his knees looking up at me. He looked to me like a little schoolboy who had just been scolded. When he saw my face, he spat out, “I’m so sorry! I didn’t mean to! I was just looking, and then it just happened! I don’t know why I did it!”
Pete looked terrified. He clearly knew he had done something wrong. I just walked towards him and sat down next to him. “It’s okay,” I said calmly, “Just don’t let it happen again.” He looked at me, a bit confused, gave me an awkward smile, then looked down at my body. I looked down at my own body too, curious at what he was staring at. I guess it was just me, as there was nothing special. My legs were straight out in front of me, just the tiniest bit apart so that he could see my slit, and my nipples had stopped being hard and conical and were just puffing out a little again. I looked back and just smiled at him, though I don’t think he saw it since he was staring at me. I felt really bold for some reason, and leaned against Pete’s side, though I was kind of low compared to him, as he was on his knees and I had my legs out front so I was just on my butt (not too mention that he was a lot taller than me anyhow). I don’t even know if he noticed, I think he just kept staring at my body. I looked over and saw Pete’s penis still sticking up, his balls were resting on top of his pressed-together thighs. I stared for a moment, and then just closed my eyes.
I thought about all that had happened. I know it had felt wrong earlier, but it didn’t feel wrong now. I remember thinking it was weird that someone would stick their finger in another person’s butt, but besides that, none of it really felt wrong anymore. We were best friends that would probably never see each other again, we shared a close moment, the closest moment possible really as it involved both of us being naked, and I was sure we would remember this for the rest of our lives. And there was no denying that I was proud that Pete was enjoying looking at my body! I know I didn’t have much, so for him to like it meant a lot to me.
I got knocked out of these thoughts when I felt Pete moving lightly next to me. I opened my eyes and looked over towards him. What I saw confused me. He had his hand around his penis, like I had done just before I had pulled it down too far, but he was moving his hand back and forth (I didn’t know what masturbation was at this point in my life). I looked up and saw that his eyes were locked between my legs. I was confused, so I asked, “What are you doing?”
Pete immediately stopped moving his hand (though he left it on his penis) and his eyes went from my vagina to my face. He muttered out, “I’m sorry.”
I was confused, I didn’t know there was something to be sorry for. I asked, “For what?”
He looked at me like I was crazy. “For what I was doing.”
Still confused, I responded, “What were you doing?”
Pete continued to look at me like I was crazy, then looked almost as confused as I was. Finally he asked, “You don’t know?”
I simply answered, “Nope.”
Pete looked relieved. He smiled, and then began explaining. “When I move my hand on my penis like this,” and he started moving his hand again, “it feels really good.”
“Oh,” I said. I was intrigued by this. Again, my naivety comes into play. While I knew the differences between boys and girls, and knew what sex was, kinda, I thought it was just for making babies. I had heard that sex feels good, but I didn’t know you could make yourself feel good without sex. So I just watched Pete move his hand on his penis for awhile.
Very abruptly, Pete stopped. I was confused, so I asked, “Why did you stop?”
I looked up to see Pete smiling. It was a weird smile, like he was trying too hard to smile or something. He answered, “Because my arm is tired.”
I just responded, “Oh,” as I looked back down at his penis again.
When I looked up next, Pete was smiling again, and I blushed as I knew he caught me staring at his penis. He then suggested, “If you want to, you can try and rub it for me to make it feel good.”
I just stared at him. I didn’t know what to say. I knew we weren’t supposed to touch each other down there, but hadn’t I just decided that nothing we were doing was really wrong? And so I quietly uttered, “Okay.”
Pete’s smile got even wider! I smiled back, knowing I had just made him that happy. Feeling a little less weird about it, I asked, “What do I do?”
“First,” he began, “hold it like you just saw me holding it.”
I reached over and lightly grasped his penis in my hand. “Like this?”
His face suddenly changed expressions as I touched him, but I couldn’t tell what he was feeling. “Squeeze a little harder.”
“Okay,” I responded, squeezing his penis.
Suddenly his eyes went wide. “Not that hard,” Pete gasped out.
I saw the pain on his face and said, “Sorry,” while loosening my grip a little.
Pete responded, “That’s okay. Now move your hand up and down it.”
As I slowly started moving my hand up and down the length of his penis, I watched first as Pete closed his eyes and looked like he went into a great state of pleasure, like I was giving him a massage or something. Soon though, I lowered my eyes and watched as I pulled the foreskin below the head of his penis, and then up above it hiding it again, and repeating that process over and over. I was moving my hand very slowly and enjoying the show I was creating.
A couple of minutes later, Pete suddenly asked, “If you want, Casey, I can try and make you feel good too.”
I kept my hand on his penis, but I stopped moving as I looked up at him. “How?”
His eyes went straight to the slit between my legs. “I can touch you down there, and that should make you feel good the same way you’re making me feel good.”
I looked down at my slit, then back up at him. I remembered him trying to touch me before, and wasn’t sure if he was making this up just to touch my vagina. “Really?”
He just nodded yes. I thought about it for a second, all the while Pete watching my face, and finally said, “Okay, but if I don’t like it, you have to pull your hand away.”
Pete got a huge smile on his face. “Deal!” He then brought his left arm over towards my vagina. I watched his hand, still holding onto his penis with my own hand. As his hand got down there, he couldn’t really get between my legs, so he asked, “Can you move your legs apart?”
Without responding, I just pulled my left leg away, giving him room to touch me. The first thing he did was put a finger between my lips, and it just bumped into my clit (which again, I didn’t know what that was at the time). I immediately felt my body shake when he touched it, which I think he did accidentally. Nonetheless, I quickly understood that he wasn’t lying when he said he could make me feel good!
Pete then moved the finger lower and pushed it into my hole. At the angle he was at, he couldn’t push in very deep. In fact, he didn’t even hit my hymen (not that I knew what that was back then either, but I know my hymen was intact later, so he clearly didn’t break it). But even just the edge of his finger sliding into my opening felt great. I closed my eyes and started breathing heavy.
“So does it feel good?” Pete’s question made me jump, I opened my eyes to see him smiling at me.
“Told you so,” Pete said back with a big smile. I simply smiled back, and closed my eyes again.
A few seconds later, Pete asked, “Are you going to keep rubbing me?”
I opened my eyes and realized that I had completely forgotten that I still had my hand on his penis, but I wasn’t moving it anymore. I said, “Sorry!” and started moving my hand on his penis again.
Pete just responded, “That’s okay,” while continuing pushing his finger in and out of me.
And so the next several minutes went. I kept slowly rubbing his penis while he kept moving his finger in my vagina. A weird feeling start to build inside of me, and every now and then I found myself pushing my hips a little bit forward into Pete’s hand. I didn’t mean to do that, but it was like I had no control over it.
At some point, Pete whispered, “Faster!” I understood what he meant, and started moving my hand faster on his penis, even as the weird feeling was building up inside of me.
As I kept going, the feeling was slowly getting stronger and stronger in me, which made me rub Pete’s penis faster and faster.
All of the sudden, Pete lightly shouted, “Oh Casey!” His body suddenly stopped moving, including his hand, which he pressed hard against my slit. His hand ended up pressed right against my little bump and the feeling in me grew ever stronger. I looked up to see Pete’s face, I was actually kind of worried that I’d hurt him. My worries were unfounded, as he looked like he was in great pleasure. The whole time I had kept rubbing Pete’s penis, but wasn’t looking at it. I did suddenly look at it though when I felt a wetness splash onto my hand. I looked down in time to see another couple streams of this white liquid squirt up like a fountain and then land dripping down my hand. At this point, I stopped moving my hand, but I held his penis down towards the bottom so that his head was totally exposed. I watched a little more white liquid push its way out of the end of his penis and slide down his penis and onto my hand.
This whole time Pete had stayed completely stiff, his hand still putting pressure on my little bump and making me feel good.
After the white stuff stopped coming out, Pete started saying, “That was awes-”
But that was as far as he got.
When he started talking, he loosened his body. He actually leaned forward with the hand between my legs, and the heel of his hand pushed hard against my little bump, and as soon as he passed the bump and it flicked out straight again, the most incredible feeling washed through me. I started moaning as every part of my body felt like it was on fire. And then I felt it – a little pressure in my vagina trying to escape. I tried to hold it in, but as I looked down, I watched this squirt of clear liquid shoot out of my vagina and all over Pete’s hand.
Before I could say anything, Pete had jerked his hand away. He held it several inches in front of his face, saw the liquid dripping down it, and exclaimed in a low, shocked voice, “You peed on me!”
I didn’t know what to say. I didn’t mean to! I just felt so good, I don’t know where it came from. I started to say, “I didn’t-”
I didn’t get far as Pete suddenly pulled his whole body away from me, standing up a few feet away. He repeated, sounding angry this time, “You peed on me!”
“I’m sorry! I didn’t-” I got cut off again.
Pete was now staring at me, holding his hand away from his body. “I tried to show you how much I like you, I tried to make you feel good, I just wanted to do something special with you before I left and you peed on me!”
I didn’t know what to say. Pete suddenly bent over and picked up his clothes and shoes. I couldn’t help but notice while he did this that, for the first time that I had ever seen, his penis was now hanging down, and a bit smaller than it was. I shook my head, trying to get that thought out of my head as Pete started to walk off with his clothes. I suddenly put together that he was leaving and freaked out.
“Don’t go! I didn’t mean to!” I tried to get up and run after him as Pete walked by me, but in my rushed state, I lost my footing, and slipped falling face first on the ground.
Pete must have thought I had started running after him, because he suddenly started running as soon as he heard the sound of me hitting the ground. The last thing I heard him say was, “I can’t believe she peed on me!”
I finally got up, hysterically crying, picked my glasses off the ground (with my left hand, the one not covered in the white liquid), put them back on, and started to run in the direction Pete had gone. Unfortunately, by this point, I couldn’t see him anymore. I didn’t know which way he went. He probably wouldn’t have gone straight back towards my house, as I think he would have thought I would have gone that way. He probably actually ran deeper into the woods to find a nice hidden spot to put his clothes back on, then sneak his way out of the woods and walk back to his house.
I had run for about a hundred yards when the back of a house (one of my neighbors, not mine) came into view. It was then that I realized I was still naked. I didn’t see anyone in the house that could see, but I freaked out anyhow. I yelped, put one hand across my flat chest, one hand over my vagina, and ran back to my clothes.
When I got to my clothes, I realized that the hand I had held across my chest was the one covered in the white liquid, so there was now some white liquid on and around my left nipple, not to mention my hand still had a bunch on it. I didn’t know what to do. I didn’t think I’d be able to wipe it off on the leaves, and I definitely couldn’t wipe it on my clothes and have to explain the stains to my parents, so in whatever twisted logic I came up with, I decided I had to lick it off. While I was licking it, I was telling myself I was doing it for Pete, telling myself he would’ve loved seeing me do it. I also realized it didn’t actually taste too bad. The quote from Pete licking my tears jumped into my mind – “Mmmmm, salty!” When I finished licking my hand clean, I wiped the small amount on my chest back onto my hand and licked that clean too. Then I went about getting dressed.
After getting dressed again, I sat down against a tree and cried. I probably spent two hours crying there. I honestly thought I had ruined everything by peeing on him. I didn’t know at the time that girls could squirt during orgasm too. Even to this day though, I’m not sure whether I squirted or whether I peed. I discovered much later that I was a squirter, but I mean, I was so undeveloped at the time I would think that a girl like that wouldn’t be able to cum yet, that that wouldn’t be able to happen until you start developing boobs, pubic hair, and have your first period. Maybe I had just lost control during my orgasm and peed. I just don’t know. Either way, back then, I was convinced I had peed on him and it made me feel horrible. It made me feel like there was something wrong with me.
Eventually I made my way back home, still crying. As I walked in my house, my mom saw me and asked what was wrong. I just told her I was sad that Pete was moving away. I had been crying about that on and off for the past couple weeks, so she believed me. I told her that I had probably just seen him for the last time ever, but my mom said that his family would drop by tomorrow just before they left.
Well, his family did drop by the next day. His parents came into the house to say goodbye to my parents, but he stayed in the car. His parents told me to go out and say goodbye to him, so I walked out the house. I could see Pete in the back seat, and he saw me come out of the house. As soon as he saw me though, he looked the opposite direction. I didn’t know what to do, so I just stood against the front door of my house, looking to the side, avoiding looking at Pete. Eventually I felt the door open behind me.
I turned around to see Pete’s mom. She looked surprised, and said, “Already done saying goodbye?”
I just nodded and ran into the house. My parents hugged his parents at the front door, and then his parents went back to the car as my parents stood at the front door. As Pete’s family drove off, my parents waved, and I did too, but only because I could see Pete wasn’t looking at me. I would’ve been too scared to wave if he would’ve seen it.
And then they were gone. I never saw Pete again. Every few years, his parents came to visit mine, or my parents went to visit his, but he never came with his parents and I never went with mine.
This incident probably didn’t help with my shyness. In fact, I’m pretty sure it just made me more nervous around boys. I had no sexual relations for the rest of high school. I didn’t even kiss another boy (though from what I heard from my friends, I learned that what Pete had did was not much of a French kiss). I learned about masturbation at the age of 14. The first few times I tried to masturbate, I just couldn’t get off. I’d get close to orgasm, and memories of Pete would come flooding back and scaring him away, and I just couldn’t get past that. I guess I should note that I never penetrated myself during masturbation, I only rubbed my clit and maybe just the inside of my vagina, as I was scared to break my hymen (now that I knew what it was). It wasn’t until I was 17 that I had an orgasm while masturbating (still without penetration), managing to put the Pete incident behind me. It was then that I learned I squirted during orgasms. It was my first orgasm since the incident with Pete, and even still I felt strangely guilty afterwards. I masturbated on and off after that, never regularly. I never truly enjoyed an orgasm until my next real sexual relation, which happened when I was 19. That’s when things really changed!