Teaching my husband

i started getting molested as a child. i like the feeling of being used. when i finally had sex when i was 16 i told my molester to stop, but he didn't he only did it when he thought i was asleep. now i'm 23 and married, how can i tell my husband to molest me? it sounds so strange. i already gave him the privilege of touching me whenever he felt like and i'm certainly far from being a prude. but i still wanted to feel like he was touching me against my will. there's always role playing but its not the same. i've role played rape before and i'd always have to stop and wait for the guy to take off his pants or not fight as hard or stop because i yelled no and he thought he was hurting me. plus my husband grew up with a single mom and he has alot of respect for women, rape wasn't something to play around with. it was always boring missionary style sex that was meaningful, intimate and loving but never satisfied that part of me. i started having fits where i refused to talk to him or i'd yell at him for no real reason. on days like this he had no idea how to deal with me, he tried being loving then staying away which made things worse. then one day he tried to hug me and i threw his hands back. i knew he was getting angry at me for throwing these fits but it was like i almost couldn't control it. i yelled at him not to touch me as we layed on the couch together. he looked at me and laughed as if i was out of my mind and he tried touching me again. i fought him but he quickly grabbed my wrist. i struggled violently to break free and i did a few times. but he was right there to grab my wrist and try to lock me in again. i was now fighting with all my might forcing out all of my anger. then to my surprise i felt him lick my nipple. my t-shirt had crawled up my body while we fought and i hadn't noticed. i don't think my nipple has ever felt that good in my life. my entire body relaxed for a moment but i quickly pushed him back harder. Now, kind of embarrassed that he caught my weak spot.. i looked up to find that he knew and he licked me again. i wanted to hate him for taking advantage of me and using this against me but it felt too good. he managed to pin my arms down under his leg, it was painful. he then grabbed my chin and forced his lips on mine. my heart was thumping he tasted like beer which is something that’s always been a turn on to me. I guess, I’m a sucker for assholes. i wanted him soo badly but i didn't want to give in. so i quickly turned away. he grabed both my hands and to my surprise shoved it on to his hard cock. i blushed so hard in surprise to think that this was actually turning him on too. at this point i was starting to get tired of fighting him. Every time my arm got loose his hand was right there to grab it again. My heart was pounding, my face was red and my arms were starting to burn from fighting for such a long time. i guess he knew this because he grabbed me by my hair and tried to drag me to the bedroom. I was clawing at his arms but he didn’t seem to care or notice. we only made it halfway there because i scratched my back on the table and i wouldn't let go of couch. he flipped my over on my back and sat on my chest and tried to shove his cock into my mouth. i refused, pushing my mouth closed and turning my head away. i had my eyes shut as if it was all real. He tried holding my head in place and pushing but I wouldn’t let it in. his cock naturally smelled of cum and he knew that I loved the smell like a cat loves catnip. But I didn’t give in. he surprised me again by shoving his fingers into my into my pussy. I hadn’t realized this until now but I was dripping wet and as i cried out in torment and ecstasy. As my mouth opened he shoved his cock in.. i quickly spit it out and no matter how good he made me feel i didn't open my mouth again. by this point i was pretty tired of fighting him and my body hurt from where i hit the ground and the table and a few other things i don't remember. my pussy was dripping wet though. i couldn't wait to feel his hot cock inside of me and i guessed he sensed this because before i knew it he had slipped himself between my leg and was teasing my clit with his cock. i hated him harder and fought harder. Hot tears rolled down my cheeks and the look he had on his face was one I’ve never seen before. It scared me and excited me soo much. he shoved his cock hard inside of me. he knew that my vagina wasn't very big but it didn't stop him this time. he hit the end and kept pushing until he was all the way in. already i was half way to coming. i turned and bit his arm and he got angry and fucked harder. with my arms pinned to my side and my legs pinned under his i was really getting raped. i loved it. he took me against my will and it felt good. His thrust went deeper and he slammed hard against my body. Use me as a fuck toy, want me like you’ve never wanted anything more in your entire life, take me against my will because you can’t hold back any longer and hurt me because you want me to feel the same.. before i knew it i was coming hard on his cock. and then he came right inside of me. He immediately embraced me afterwards with all the love and care he could give and kissed me all over my face and asked to make sure I was ok. I giggled and told him that next time he should hold my nose closed to get me to open my mouth. i love my husband and now he knows that every time i started acting bad to just bend me over and fuck the shit outta me. i can't waited for the next time we do it

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